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By Jack Godbey

Columnist

As I go about my day, I sometimes get so used to my surroundings that I fail to pay attention to the small things around me. Hence, I might or might not have looked for my glasses for an hour before I realized they were on my head the whole time. I’ve decided that it’s time to slow it down and pay attention to what’s going on around me. Once I did, I realized that there are a lot of unusual things going on that I never realized before. In fact, some of these things seem to be quite unusual.

I find it unusual that I have two hands, but one does all the work while the other does nothing. It’s just there. If I try to do anything such as write my name with it, it looks like something I did in kindergarten.

In these days, I find it unusual that the government places warnings on tobacco products saying very clearly that using it will kill you. Still, people just suck on that cigarette as if they were sucking down a strawberry lemonade. If there was a label on a bag of Cheetos telling me they would kill me, would I still eat them? Well, I guess they would have to bury me with the cheese dust still on my hands. Isn’t it unusual that it’s only the stuff we enjoy that will kill you? Nobody ever died from a heart attack eating lettuce. Very unusual.

I thought it was unusual when I was listening to music today and right in the middle of the song, I started it over because I felt like I hadn’t enjoyed the beginning like it deserved. I mean, Sweet Home Alabama deserves respect.

I woke up the other night at 2 a.m. and I turned over to go back to sleep pretending that my kidneys weren’t screaming at me to go the bathroom. After I gave up and realized that I would have to get up, I refused to open my eyes in the bathroom so that I would stay sleepy. It worked. I fell right back asleep. However, now there’s pee all over the wall. Very unusual behavior.

I went to the Dollar Tree this morning to refill my candy stash. I paid for my items and while trying to put my change back in my wallet at the cash register, I felt like the people behind me were putting pressure on me. Not sure why I cared. I waited for my turn in line but my hands were fidgeting like I had just seen a ghost.

I stopped by the grocery store because you know I need my pork rind fix for the day. Just my luck there were two people having a family reunion right in front of the pork rind section. I pretended to look at something else while I patiently waited for them to finish talking trash about some poor girl named Heather. I stood there reading the labels of random products until they finally moved on. I can say that I now know more about jars of gherkin pickles that I ever wanted to know.

I find it unusual when people will ask me what I did today. What do you think I did, climbed Mt. Everest? Are you kidding? I woke up, went to work and now somehow, it’s time for bed. I don’t know what I did.

Does anyone else walk down the sidewalk and refuse to step on a crack so that you don’t die? Just me? How unusual.