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By Jack Godbey

Columnist

I consider myself an intelligent guy. Granted, my brain thinks more about Fig Newtons than Issac Newton, but I do alright. Still, there are some things that I don’t quite understand that make me scratch my head and wonder, “Is it just me”? For example, I don’t understand the concept behind celebrity worship. I saw a magazine cover the other day that had a story that told of some celebrity’s new workout routine. I can’t even express how much I don’t care about that. Is it just me or do some people find that interesting?

Is it just me or have people become way too sensitive these days? It’s called a joke, people. We used to tell them in the old days and laugh. You should try it sometime. Pretty soon, I won’t be able to make fun of myself without someone getting offended. 

 I don’t want to cause a riot, but I have to say that I’ve never understood the fascination with beer. Is it just me or does this stuff taste like I’m drinking a glass of wheat juice. I asked my friend who loves beer so much he would gladly bathe in it and he said that beer is an acquired taste. Well, so is the taste of dog poop but I’ll not put that in my mouth either. To be honest, I’ve never understood why people enjoy the taste of coffee either. I remember when I was a child, my father always had exactly one cup of black coffee at breakfast. No more and no less. I begged for a sip and he handed me the cup and my face twisted in all sorts of ways. The coffee smelled so good, and I envisioned it as heaven in a cup. However, what I got was a cup of bitter liquid that tasted like licking an ashtray. Talk about disappointment. I think I’ll just stick with a big glass of Dr. Pepper Zero and call it a day.

Is it just me or do some people not make themselves clear when they speak. For example, my wife said we were going to a salsa class. I grabbed a bag of tortilla chips and jumped in the car. However, I knew I had made a deathly error when the instructor said, “Who’s ready to learn how to dance the salsa”?

I’ll admit that I’m not a movie guy. Is it just me or are superhero movies particularly bad? However, they serve a good purpose. For example, I went to see one with the family a while back. Best nap I’ve had in years. I think that movie critics are a complete waste. I don’t give a rats behind what their opinion of the movie is, and it certainly has no bearing on if I see the movie or not. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me. 

Is it just me or can some people be so inconsiderate? For example, my neighbor came over this morning at 2:00 a.m. and knocked on my door and was all upset about something. I thought that it was very rude and inconsiderate to knock on my door at that hour in the morning. Luckily, I was still up playing the bagpipes and had not gone to sleep yet.

It may be just me, but I don’t understand why it is necessary to shorten words. The English language is hard enough without adding to it. It gets on my last nerve when I hear words such as merch instead of merchandise. I hear guac instead of guacamole. Oh well whatev.

My wife bought a nice sign for the kitchen that said, “Life is short, lick the bowl”. I decided to be funny and put the sign on the back of the toilet bowl instead. Is it just me or do black eyes always hurt this bad?